You spend you life hoping for the best. Hoping not to have to face the moments where your strength is tested. Wednesday January 25th, we saw something no hopeful parent wants to see. A still ultra sound. The embryo had stopped growing and there was no heart beat.
This journey has taken us from high to low, from down to up and all over again. The gut wrenching waiting, and the expectations that have come along with the process of IVF is not for the light of heart. Amber and I have wanted nothing more than to start a family. We have fought for every thing we wanted since the beginning. Each other, our marriage, and now our baby. There were no guarantees but we both wanted it so badly that we convinced ourselves that hope would take us through. Though this is not true, hope has gotten us through. Hope of another try and of the family around us. Hope of moving on without the weight of the sadness. We have hope. This is what makes the journey tolerable.
Tomorrow Amber will once again endure another procedure. This one to remove the tissue that had developed and start to heal. There is no way to quantify the emotional scars, but the physical healing will start. The doctor will take that tissue and send it away to see if we can find any answers as to why this happened. We might not get any answers. At this point, we have come to terms with that. All we know is that we will do every thing we can to try again, and to continue on our journey to three.
Once again we thank you all for your continued positive thoughts and strength. Despite not being easy we have so much to be thankful for. When our little one arrives we will never take them for granted. Our friends and family have stood beside us, and for that we can never thank you enough.
Until the next update... We wish you and yours the best. Our hearts and thoughts are with all of our friends who are going through their own hardships. Even in darkness there is light if you choose to see it.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Patience is a virtue
Amber and I had committed a cardinal foul of IVF. We had gotten our hopes up for an appointment. Last week was going to be the first post positive pregnancy ultra sound. We were told there was a possibility of seeing a heart beat, maybe even seeing more than one embryo. We got excited.
Thursday morning we realized that though EVERY other step of this process is meticulously planned and timed, the embryos have no time line to "attach". This meant that on the morning we had put so much excitement into, we did not find either of those things. There is a slew of reasons for this from late connection, to slow growth but it was hard not to focus on the bad side.
So we pushed through a very long week. Tried not to focus on the upcoming appointment. Continued with the seemingly endless injections and meds all the while trying not to think it was for not. Wednesday morning lead us both to work, and then a rushed drive to La Jolla during rush hour. The AMAZING staff at the office always seems to make us smile, but this time we were both waiting with baited breath. Dr. Smotrich finally came in and began the ultra sound. Within seconds there was a clear image on the screen of one tiny but very strong heart beat. It seemed to move the entire room, the strength of that little heart. We had cleared the third and largest of four IVF hurdles out of high risk, appointment a week, clouded fear. The next "hurdle" will be making sure our little embryo grows and develops over the next week. With confidence I feel like I can say, we got this.
Amber has been amazing. I constantly have to sit back and watch with pride and excitement that she is going to be my baby momma. The moments where she cries for little to no reason make me laugh, while moments of fear pass any more with simply a hug. We have to be two of the luckiest people on earth with all the support we have had over the last few months. So here we are. 7 weeks and 3 days along. September 4th is our tentative due date. And the adventure has just begun.
Thank you all.
Thursday morning we realized that though EVERY other step of this process is meticulously planned and timed, the embryos have no time line to "attach". This meant that on the morning we had put so much excitement into, we did not find either of those things. There is a slew of reasons for this from late connection, to slow growth but it was hard not to focus on the bad side.
So we pushed through a very long week. Tried not to focus on the upcoming appointment. Continued with the seemingly endless injections and meds all the while trying not to think it was for not. Wednesday morning lead us both to work, and then a rushed drive to La Jolla during rush hour. The AMAZING staff at the office always seems to make us smile, but this time we were both waiting with baited breath. Dr. Smotrich finally came in and began the ultra sound. Within seconds there was a clear image on the screen of one tiny but very strong heart beat. It seemed to move the entire room, the strength of that little heart. We had cleared the third and largest of four IVF hurdles out of high risk, appointment a week, clouded fear. The next "hurdle" will be making sure our little embryo grows and develops over the next week. With confidence I feel like I can say, we got this.
Amber has been amazing. I constantly have to sit back and watch with pride and excitement that she is going to be my baby momma. The moments where she cries for little to no reason make me laugh, while moments of fear pass any more with simply a hug. We have to be two of the luckiest people on earth with all the support we have had over the last few months. So here we are. 7 weeks and 3 days along. September 4th is our tentative due date. And the adventure has just begun.
Thank you all.
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