Four times and holdin on strong.

Fourth times a charm. God I hope so. We started yet another round of injections. It's funny looking at each plan, each perfectly laid out course of action and realizing each try that has felt like years at a time but have only lasted weeks at a time. This is the first time I have sat back and said- "huh you are only on injections for a month!" A month of apologizing for hitting a nerve and making her lip go numb or what ever the case may be. (Yes sadly that has happened). So here we are again- writing appointments on calendars, reading the same articles on what to do, what not to do and all the in between. This time though seems different. This time I look around our cozy one bedroom and hints of baby pop up. Our nephew Noah has started to leave traces all over. The bin below the tv where his onesies and diapers are. The cabinet above the sink where there are bottles and formula. At first I was worried these things would make us sad, or even like we were taunting fate. But as the weeks pass I realize none of that is true. Really it's more like Noah is sending future baby McGuire good vibes. Like these two crazy ladies are all right... These things make me smile.
For now we are cautiously optimistic. Despite the roller coaster that has been our journey to parenthood- the constant rise and fall of hopes and sorrows, our determination has never wavered. When the time is right we will meet them. Until then, we are loving having our practice Noah. Amber almost changed a diaper for the first time... His bouncer makes me think of his beautiful smile and now lucky our future baby will be to have all these things already. The bitterness has faded away and let room for the one thing Amber never lets me forget- hope.
This time holds a bit more weight. We stay positive and Amber holds on to notions like buying a new recliner that will "hold her uterus at the right angle" and being thankful for all 59 shots she has to endure every try (counting only Pre- transfer shots... But no one is counting...) this time we both have to face the possibility that our next step- should there have to be one, will be a different path. Our game plan may have to change. Or I guess I should say our uterus plan will have to change. With all these things floating somewhere above our heads in between all of the other appointments and calendars of medicines and plans, we are still trying to just be the McGuires. Still Mao to work each morning , still enjoy every day audit comes. Because if this journey has taught us nothing else it has taught us to be humble. To be thankful for every moment. Every tear. Two years, four try's and a whole lot of love later. We will be ready to meet you baby McGuire. And I have a feeling there are a few other people out there who would enjoy meeting you too.