Tears, Fears & Hope

This journey has been ones of ups and downs but we've always found our way.  This past Sunday, we felt our way was lost for good.  Maybe it was ignorant to think that things would be smooth sailing.  Maybe we were purposefully oblivious of what our change of plan would mean.  But, on Sunday morning, we watched our dreams shatter right in front of our eyes. . .

We've always made our way.  We found a way to pay for the wedding of our dreams and afterwards began saving for getting pregnant.  At that time getting pregnant meant some sperm and a baster.  Once we wised up that the baster wasn't the optimal plan, it meant sperm and a visit to the clinic.  While, in retrospect, this plan was on the cheap, it was daunting for us.  But we are the McGuires and we make things happen.  When this amazing doctor entered our lives it seemed like fate was giving us the thumbs up and again, although the cost was rising, it was worth it and manageable.  Then things changed... plans changed... and with that, costs changed.

In the roller coaster of events, we never stopped to ask.  We were so wrapped up in saving our dream, in still having a baby be a possibility, that we overlooked the obvious.  A simple trip to get breakfast makings for our hungover besties turned into tears.  A bill in the mail was for 15 times the original amount and is due by our next appointment... 10 days.  That didn't include the hormone injections that we also need at the next appointment.  It felt like the walls were caving in.  Like we just watched our dream slip away...

It's four days later and the fear is still very real.  Today was the first day that we may have answers and, with that, hope.  Turns out the wrong bill was sent.  We actually owe half as much and have until  the date of the egg harvesting which gives us more time.  Both of those make this situation better but still difficult.  Namely due to the cost of the hormones that we still need one week from tomorrow.  But with the updated news, some luck, and an angel, this just might happen...

It's terrifying that all this and it still might not take... That we might have to figure all this out again.  And I could go to the place where this wouldn't be an issue if something wasn't wrong.  But neither of these thoughts are productive.  Neither of these changes anything.  Maybe hope, love, and a little karma can...

Plus, we are the McGuires... we can do anything....