Things Are Gettin' Real

I started this blog to share the journey of adding Baby McGuire to our crazy little family.  I wanted to keep everyone informed as to our progress and our process.  I never imagined the posts I've have to write.  The stories I've have to tell and the gratitude I'd end up sharing.  Many of our posts lately have been either heart wrenching or hopeful with a side of pain.  Not anymore. . .

We are on the eve of getting the green light.  To finding out amazing things like what I'm really like on a ridiculous amount of hormones, how bad can one's ass hurt from injections and how much can you still love your spouse for giving them to you.  Today has had a Christmas Eve like anticipation.  I never thought I would be this excited to go to the doctor and drop my pants, get my blood drawn, and get a big fat shot.  That we would lose sleep over the excitement of dropping an large amount of money at the pharmacist although let's not kid ourselves, it feels like a steal considering the obscene amount it was originally.  We are both counting down the minutes at work like one would who is about to leave on vacation but it's not vacation, it's a whirlwind of doctors appointments all mixed up in holiday fever. . .

Things are about to get real people.  I apologize now for any outbursts, yelling, crying or anything else that may engage thanks to a wicked hormone regiment.  Please send Karen your well wishes and beer.  She may need it. . . 

The journey is about to continue and we are ready for all that is next . . .

Its been a while...

Amber and I both have been in a fog for the last few months. The ups and downs of this journey have been both humbling and exhausting. At this moment, our doctor is on the hunt for sample or extra medicine to help reduce the cost, as well as an amazing amount of people who have donated to our cause getting us one step closer to meeting our baby. We have an outline of a bottle pinned to our wall that has slowly "filled Up'" as we collect the funds. Every time I look at it, I can not believe we are getting closer and closer to a try. I have to swallow the knot in my throat every time I say "try" because I know, and Amber knows... That it could very well be just that. But we are thankful, and positive.
The fund raising site closes today and we are almost to our goal.  We are making progress.

I happened to look through the fund raising site the other day and saw that there were funds for children, funds for cancer and sicknesses you would never imagine. I am so thankful that we are healthy, happy and have family and friends to support us. Hope keeps us looking forward and never sad about the dates that have passed and what they were "supposed to hold". Hope keeps us happy. I wish every one and any one they love all the best, no matter what today brings or yesterday held.

Here is to the hope December holds, the journey, and the sheer amount of drinks I will consume while my wife is on hormones. Happy Monday every one.

Wow

This whole journey has taken my breath away. Many times. From meeting the Dr who has held our hand the entire way, to the support of our friends and family that continuously humbles me. I received an e-mail last night from Amber's best friend that brought me to tears, and lifted me up all at the same time.

She had taken time from her very busy schedule and created a web site for Amber and and (and now to be called Baby-to-be-McGuire), to help us raise the necessary funds to make our dreams come true. The amazing ability for the people around us to continually surprise Amber and I, and help us through this has been overwhelming. Knowing times are tough for every one, but people are still willing to help us have a shot at bringing this little person who we have been waiting to meet for the last 4 years, who we have had names picked out for since before we had colors for the wedding... To help us meet our baby. I am speechless.

So once again, as I have said so many times, and will continue to do for the rest of our lives. To every one out there reading, or listening... Thank you. Thank you from my family. Heaven forbid, but I hope you all know that if the time ever comes where you might need help know Amber and I will be there.

Here is the site, if any one is curious...

http://www.giveforward.com/karenamberandbabytobemcguire

Tears, Fears & Hope

This journey has been ones of ups and downs but we've always found our way.  This past Sunday, we felt our way was lost for good.  Maybe it was ignorant to think that things would be smooth sailing.  Maybe we were purposefully oblivious of what our change of plan would mean.  But, on Sunday morning, we watched our dreams shatter right in front of our eyes. . .

We've always made our way.  We found a way to pay for the wedding of our dreams and afterwards began saving for getting pregnant.  At that time getting pregnant meant some sperm and a baster.  Once we wised up that the baster wasn't the optimal plan, it meant sperm and a visit to the clinic.  While, in retrospect, this plan was on the cheap, it was daunting for us.  But we are the McGuires and we make things happen.  When this amazing doctor entered our lives it seemed like fate was giving us the thumbs up and again, although the cost was rising, it was worth it and manageable.  Then things changed... plans changed... and with that, costs changed.

In the roller coaster of events, we never stopped to ask.  We were so wrapped up in saving our dream, in still having a baby be a possibility, that we overlooked the obvious.  A simple trip to get breakfast makings for our hungover besties turned into tears.  A bill in the mail was for 15 times the original amount and is due by our next appointment... 10 days.  That didn't include the hormone injections that we also need at the next appointment.  It felt like the walls were caving in.  Like we just watched our dream slip away...

It's four days later and the fear is still very real.  Today was the first day that we may have answers and, with that, hope.  Turns out the wrong bill was sent.  We actually owe half as much and have until  the date of the egg harvesting which gives us more time.  Both of those make this situation better but still difficult.  Namely due to the cost of the hormones that we still need one week from tomorrow.  But with the updated news, some luck, and an angel, this just might happen...

It's terrifying that all this and it still might not take... That we might have to figure all this out again.  And I could go to the place where this wouldn't be an issue if something wasn't wrong.  But neither of these thoughts are productive.  Neither of these changes anything.  Maybe hope, love, and a little karma can...

Plus, we are the McGuires... we can do anything....

Happy Birth Control Day!

Today marks the beginning of the real deal.  The steps moving toward our first insemination.   The number one step... Birth Control.  Crazy right?!?  Well, apparently the doc wants to stop production so he can go balls to the wall with some hormone injections in a little over two weeks.  I trust him completely but whoever thought a pair of lesbians would need birth control to get pregnant.

We are so excited to get going on our new plan.  It's fantastic that this momentous kick off happens on a day we can take a moment to appreciate it... Sunday Funday aka Football Sunday.  A lovely brunch with Apple Streusel Crumb Pancakes and Turkey Bacon that my gorgeous wife made, an afternoon of Seahawks and Charger football at the bar where everybody knows our name, and an evening of even more football with our furry kids... all with the excitement of this journey brewing around us.

The next step comes on the 14th when K learns how to shoot me with needles.... And we can't wait for the journey to continue.

As the Adventure Continues

So... As the adventure continues.

This Sunday my wife will start taking birth control pills to regulate this crazy process they call birth. I may not understand all of the steps, but I stand behind them with the vigor only a wife can possess. I can not express how proud I am of her. There have been so many hurdles, so many temptations, to take away from the process that has fallen upon us, but she has handled it all with poise and grace. It can't be easy. I know this, you know this, but some how she remains one of the most put together women I know. Just today.... She has worked 9-11 hour days, all week. Today, she worked a 9 hour day, only to come home, make dinner, and return to work again from 8 PM to 11 PM. I am reminded how amazing she is with every person in that venue who comes up to her with questions outside of her position, and yet she has the answer. I am so happy that this woman is the mother of my future child. No matter what question, or how late the day had been, I have faith that she will find the answer.

As the days count down, and the process gets closer, I think of all of those out there behind us. Those of you who have been routing for us since the beginning. As corney as it is to mention, the drop of Don't Ask Don't Tell has marked another step in the United States of our community to being equals. To being seen as the rest of the country. I can not thank you all enough for following our story, for being our advocates. With out family, we would not have much. Thank you all, and thank you for your support and thoughts along this crazy journey.

Here goes nothing...

Our Uterus Report Card

Today was our first appointment on our new baby plan.  While it was nice having my pants in the upright and on position for a bit, it felt good getting things rolling again.  I felt like we were forced into a holding pattern since our lateral move and that has been hard emotionally but today we got things going in the right direction.

I was nervous to put it lightly.  Terrified to put it realistically.  I know Karen was too but didn't want me to see it.  The last time we had set foot in this office, we found out news that turned our world upside down.  Although all signs pointed to this visit being routine so did the last one... So we kicked our Karma into high gear by picking up a dozen bagels for the doctors office and heading north.  After we got in the exam room and were waiting, I proceeded to work myself up into a seriously nauseous state.   I didn't help that I was given some 600 mg ibuprofen upon arrival for my procedure.  I had no idea this one might be painful.  But after Dr. Smotrich took a teeny tiny camera and took a little tour of my uterus all the weight was lifted.

We always have a little recap and planning sess in his office after the exams.  When we made mention of our apprehension he turned to us and said the most reassuring words I've heard, "Every appointment now are happy ones."  After a gleaming uterus report card, we now have a bit of a break from visits but not from progress.  Soon I will start birth control for two weeks and Karen will start reminding me to take it.  Then we're back in the office to learn to teach K how to stick me with needles.  The end of October is when things start getting crazy but more about that when we get there.

Right now we feel content.  Content that our obstacle can be overcome and we are taking the steps toward doing that.  I'm still dealing with the fact that I feel broken.  I didn't think it would bother me this much but, regardless of the obstacle it posses to getting pregnant, its been difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that something you take for granted isn't what you thought.  But it will pass as we put one foot in front of the other to our ultimate goal of a tiny McGuire.  For today, we are happy with our happy uterus.

Tomorrow... Well, the journey continues...