Egg Retrieval's Eve

As we sit here on the eve of our egg retrieval, I feel it's time to catch everyone up on the week that has past. . .

As you may know, we started our hormone regiment last Friday with two shots daily in the abdomen.  Things got off to a good start.  While I felt a bit crazy, cold and exhausted, I was handling myself quite well not to mention the amazing care from Karen.  The weekend passed and we lowered one dosage for one injection on Monday morning.  Tuesday found us heading north to get a check up.  Where as the ovaries were silent on Friday, by Tuesday's exam they were progressing right along.  The doc estimated about 20 follicles each at 6-7 millimeters were doing their thing.  He turned to me and ask if I was bloated.  I said a bit.  He said "You will be."  And damn me if I haven't been.

As the week continued, the shots and check ups continued as well.  By Thursday, Karen could do the injections blind, I was bruising like a peach and had sworn off jean and were heading back to the docs.  After a ultra sound that showed incredible improvement (the follicles were now at 16-17 mm) we were given news we were not excited to hear. . .there would be an additional injection.  My wife has been amazing throughout it all and incredibly strong when it comes to the injections but no one wants to inflict pain on their spouse so we needed a moment on our ride home to gather our composure.  The additional injection, we were told, is a bit trickier.  The nurse literally told us sometimes it bounces back.  Awesome.  But the first day went fine and we only had a few more days with injections.

Unfortunately, Friday was a rough day.  Not only did I kick it off yelling out my fantasy team (damn you Redskins defense) and the toaster oven, but I jumped back during the third injection.  I subsequently broke down for a good 20 minutes while my amazing wife tried to help me and yet support me getting it out.  We went again to success but both of us were very tired.

At Thursdays appointment, we got our dates 90% set. . . egg retrieval Monday, implantation the following Saturday.  On Saturday those dates were confirmed with the follicles now being at 20 millimeters.  And again, we got a surprise when it came to the meds.  We would need to do 2 injections specifically timed to get things ready for the retrieval.  One in the thigh.  One in the upper ass.  Both in muscle.  So after a long Saturday that got underway with an appointment, then at Gyminny all day, dinner with Gyminny people and a party at the Mosers, we headed home to take care of business.  The strength of my other half cannot be underplayed here.  These were some intense injections and I was definitely nervous but she was amazingly calm and made everything go so smoothly.  Granted I'm sore today but their is no getting around that.

This morning we went back up for some blood test and tomorrow we return bright and early for the retrieval.  No work for me tomorrow unless from home because as the nurse practitioner put it "I'm going to feel awful."  So K and I will be cuddled up at home with the furry kids hopefully with a winter storm outside.  (Sorry San Diegans, I'm longing for some seasonal weather.)  And at 5:30pm I will be watching my Seahawks on Monday Night Football.  Oh and yes, I will be wearing Seahawks attire to the appointment. . .  as will Karen.

This last week has gone so incredibly fast and slow at the same time.  With the drugs, early mornings and late nights, we are both exhausted but are so thankful for every moment.  Speaking of moments, that's what we've tried to focus on.  Being present in the journey no matter the outcome.  Remembering that we control so little of this and that's ok.  Tomorrow we control nothing and our destiny is then played out in a petri dish until Saturday. . .

What an incredible journey . . .

Another good report card...

(K) From the other side of the table (not the side laying on her back, and beautiful even then...) I am proud to say that I actually know what I am looking at now during the ultra sound. I do see the follicle growing, and the "Mick Jagger lips"... I never thought I would be this savvy on reproduction. Amber has been so great. I know, not what any one was expecting, I was waiting for her to be a mess. And not for any reason other than ever morning for the last week we have woken up, rushed to eat, and some mornings rushed out the door at 7:30 to be in La Jolla be nervous, and rush to work. If not that then woken up to stab her in the tummy and send her on her way all hopped up on emotion and hormones. But she has been amazing.

From my side... It is an amazing thing to watch. Scary most days. Terrifying to say the least. Hoping I mix meds correctly, making sure I change from the mixing needle to the injecting needle (a large size difference for any one who does not know). But still amazing. I had been struggling with feeling the excitement amid all of the tasking the diet to follow and the sheer amount of information to absorb, but for some reason it has all hit me. This is our journey. Our baby is just on the other side of these morning injections. Its coming. I can not wait for you all to meet them... Because honestly, I don't know how the world will handle a Kamber hybrid. Good luck to you all.

Oh and on that note, where is all my beer? Amber has specifically requested there to be beer.

Happy Thursday to all. And here's to another great report card. Good job growing baby makins babe.

Hormones Day 1...

As I lay in bed ruminating, I figure what better time then now to blog about our momentous morning. I have to say, despite the Christmas Eve like excitement I was able to get a decent night sleep after enjoying a Seahawks win. But morning did come early and we were giddy with excitement and anticipation for our appointment. On the drive we laughed and chatted and realized that there may be an evil genius out there being the puppetmaster of the family, spreading rumors like I'm a vegetarian and Karen's afraid of needles. Turns out, neither of those are true.

Regardless, once we finally got to the office, our merriment turned to apprehension. Although everyone has been amazing at La Jolla IVF, we've secretly been waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the down on the roller coaster ride. (Due to these feelings, I may or may not have had a dream that at the appointment, they told me my uterus had fallen out.) As we waited what felt like an excruciating amount of time, we took a moment to remember that this is all a part of a bigger story. Our bigger story. And no matter what happens at the end of this chapter, we need to enjoy each page...

Finally our nurse practitioner came in for our exam. We learned that we were looking for "quiet ovaries" and that this is the only time that is a good thing. Everything was on the up and up so we moved on to the main event...the injections. Our wonderfully amusing nurse Lupe brought in the large bag of medication and started to go into detail with Karen about the two injections she'll be giving me daily in the lower abdomen. One is similar to an épée pen and pretty straight forward. The other is much more like a chemistry exam with syringes, liquid, powder and different needles. Once she was in the know, Lupe did the first injection that burned a bit with the more intimidating needle. Then Karen took a literal stab at it. I've never been so thankful for some stomach chub.

In general the injections themselves aren't that bad but it's the first day and they say I'll have bruising and tenderness so we'll check back on that. Otherwise, I've felt emotionally extreme today. A bit crazy if you will. I'm not so much mad one minute, sad the next but if I'm sad I'm crying and if I'm mad I'm pissed. I can't imagine that's going to improve so again, please send Karen beer. Oh and for those of you into odd tid bits, due to a chance of something called ovary overstimulation something or other, I have to have vast quantities of gatorade or any other electrolyte infused drink plus sodium which I usually avoid and protein.

So that's what we've got so far. I'm exhausted although I'm not sure if it's because of the emotions of the morning or the meds. Tomorrow will be a better indication. Tomorrow is also a coaching Saturday... Good luck to us all...:p

Things Are Gettin' Real

I started this blog to share the journey of adding Baby McGuire to our crazy little family.  I wanted to keep everyone informed as to our progress and our process.  I never imagined the posts I've have to write.  The stories I've have to tell and the gratitude I'd end up sharing.  Many of our posts lately have been either heart wrenching or hopeful with a side of pain.  Not anymore. . .

We are on the eve of getting the green light.  To finding out amazing things like what I'm really like on a ridiculous amount of hormones, how bad can one's ass hurt from injections and how much can you still love your spouse for giving them to you.  Today has had a Christmas Eve like anticipation.  I never thought I would be this excited to go to the doctor and drop my pants, get my blood drawn, and get a big fat shot.  That we would lose sleep over the excitement of dropping an large amount of money at the pharmacist although let's not kid ourselves, it feels like a steal considering the obscene amount it was originally.  We are both counting down the minutes at work like one would who is about to leave on vacation but it's not vacation, it's a whirlwind of doctors appointments all mixed up in holiday fever. . .

Things are about to get real people.  I apologize now for any outbursts, yelling, crying or anything else that may engage thanks to a wicked hormone regiment.  Please send Karen your well wishes and beer.  She may need it. . . 

The journey is about to continue and we are ready for all that is next . . .

Its been a while...

Amber and I both have been in a fog for the last few months. The ups and downs of this journey have been both humbling and exhausting. At this moment, our doctor is on the hunt for sample or extra medicine to help reduce the cost, as well as an amazing amount of people who have donated to our cause getting us one step closer to meeting our baby. We have an outline of a bottle pinned to our wall that has slowly "filled Up'" as we collect the funds. Every time I look at it, I can not believe we are getting closer and closer to a try. I have to swallow the knot in my throat every time I say "try" because I know, and Amber knows... That it could very well be just that. But we are thankful, and positive.
The fund raising site closes today and we are almost to our goal.  We are making progress.

I happened to look through the fund raising site the other day and saw that there were funds for children, funds for cancer and sicknesses you would never imagine. I am so thankful that we are healthy, happy and have family and friends to support us. Hope keeps us looking forward and never sad about the dates that have passed and what they were "supposed to hold". Hope keeps us happy. I wish every one and any one they love all the best, no matter what today brings or yesterday held.

Here is to the hope December holds, the journey, and the sheer amount of drinks I will consume while my wife is on hormones. Happy Monday every one.

Wow

This whole journey has taken my breath away. Many times. From meeting the Dr who has held our hand the entire way, to the support of our friends and family that continuously humbles me. I received an e-mail last night from Amber's best friend that brought me to tears, and lifted me up all at the same time.

She had taken time from her very busy schedule and created a web site for Amber and and (and now to be called Baby-to-be-McGuire), to help us raise the necessary funds to make our dreams come true. The amazing ability for the people around us to continually surprise Amber and I, and help us through this has been overwhelming. Knowing times are tough for every one, but people are still willing to help us have a shot at bringing this little person who we have been waiting to meet for the last 4 years, who we have had names picked out for since before we had colors for the wedding... To help us meet our baby. I am speechless.

So once again, as I have said so many times, and will continue to do for the rest of our lives. To every one out there reading, or listening... Thank you. Thank you from my family. Heaven forbid, but I hope you all know that if the time ever comes where you might need help know Amber and I will be there.

Here is the site, if any one is curious...

http://www.giveforward.com/karenamberandbabytobemcguire

Tears, Fears & Hope

This journey has been ones of ups and downs but we've always found our way.  This past Sunday, we felt our way was lost for good.  Maybe it was ignorant to think that things would be smooth sailing.  Maybe we were purposefully oblivious of what our change of plan would mean.  But, on Sunday morning, we watched our dreams shatter right in front of our eyes. . .

We've always made our way.  We found a way to pay for the wedding of our dreams and afterwards began saving for getting pregnant.  At that time getting pregnant meant some sperm and a baster.  Once we wised up that the baster wasn't the optimal plan, it meant sperm and a visit to the clinic.  While, in retrospect, this plan was on the cheap, it was daunting for us.  But we are the McGuires and we make things happen.  When this amazing doctor entered our lives it seemed like fate was giving us the thumbs up and again, although the cost was rising, it was worth it and manageable.  Then things changed... plans changed... and with that, costs changed.

In the roller coaster of events, we never stopped to ask.  We were so wrapped up in saving our dream, in still having a baby be a possibility, that we overlooked the obvious.  A simple trip to get breakfast makings for our hungover besties turned into tears.  A bill in the mail was for 15 times the original amount and is due by our next appointment... 10 days.  That didn't include the hormone injections that we also need at the next appointment.  It felt like the walls were caving in.  Like we just watched our dream slip away...

It's four days later and the fear is still very real.  Today was the first day that we may have answers and, with that, hope.  Turns out the wrong bill was sent.  We actually owe half as much and have until  the date of the egg harvesting which gives us more time.  Both of those make this situation better but still difficult.  Namely due to the cost of the hormones that we still need one week from tomorrow.  But with the updated news, some luck, and an angel, this just might happen...

It's terrifying that all this and it still might not take... That we might have to figure all this out again.  And I could go to the place where this wouldn't be an issue if something wasn't wrong.  But neither of these thoughts are productive.  Neither of these changes anything.  Maybe hope, love, and a little karma can...

Plus, we are the McGuires... we can do anything....